Post-Traumatic Self-Compassion (PTSC): What if the worst thing that has ever happened to you is actually the best?
“The meaning of the word “trauma,” in its Greek origin, is “wound.” Whether we realize it or not, it is our woundedness, or how we cope with it, that dictates much of our behavior, shapes our social habits, and informs our ways of thinking about the world.”
What if the worst thing that has ever happened to you is actually the best?
What if your pain/suffering created roots so deep that no amount of wind can uplift the essence your spirit lives in?
What if you let go of trying to think your way out of your trauma and trust in your body’s ability to heal itself?
Turning the thing that turned you into the thing that transformed and informed you — that is the embodiment of Post-Traumatic Self Compassion. PTSC is not disordered: it is utterly and infallibly ordered. Self-compassion becomes your default setting by setting a new identity and story from the “thing” that set disorder to your life through the direct approach of PTSC.
Big “T” and Little “t” Trauma: Suffering is Relative
We all came into this world a little broken — a little hurt. Whether that pain manifested as a big “T” or little “t” trauma. Nobody can tell you that your suffering is not relevant. Because suffering is relative. No matter how seemingly small or big your suffering: our minds make the meaning they do in the way it does.
Self-compassion is the basis for opening a conversation with yourself. This compassionate inquiry has been developed and tested by pioneers in the field of trauma such as Dr Gabor Maté. These self-compassionate conversations open many periphery ones in their wake. Through the multitude of conversations that open as a result of PTSC, which are, in fact, mostly questions — not statements or facts — you start to live in the body as a question, rather than a statement.
Living in the body as a question allows the mystery of what is happening to unfold. This gentle unfolding and non-attachment through non-naming is what opens and allows the conversation to go deeper. When you name and identify your experience too soon, you rob it of the growth it is generating in your being.
Growth, first and foremost, is an essential part of nature. Everything either grows or dies. In that sense, growth will always require pain. Oftentimes we confuse pain with suffering. Pain is a sign of growth. Suffering is a sign of attachment.
Pain vs Suffering
Pain is the non-identifying prerequisite of growth. Suffering is the opposite — suffering is the “it’s happening to me” identifying byproduct of not seeing your pain as part of your experience.
Pain is objective. Suffering is you being attached to the pain — identifying the pain as happening to you rather than for you. The only way to transform your suffering into pain is through self-compassion and self-acceptance. By being kind to yourself you befriend your suffering. Being kind to your own self in your own mind is the basis for PTSC; it is the place to live when things don’t seem to make sense or you feel the perils of being in the arena of life alone.
PTSC is the basis for self-love, self-compassion and self-actualisation. When you are self-compassionate you open up a door of understanding that floods your entire being with pure moment-to-moment awareness. You begin to see the triggers of your suffering as information about yourself, rather than flaws in the system. You begin to become beautifully fascinated with how your body moves in the world.
In some strange non-masochistic way, you actually become fascinated with how your mind creates meaning — this fascination and curiosity becomes a thrill in and of itself. Your trauma becomes a guide to your essence. In some — almost inconceivable, demented way — your trauma opens a doorway to an ecstatic conversation with your everyday life. Your trauma becomes a doorway to the present moment.
Everything Serves a Purpose
Your coping mechanisms and strange habits and OCD-like tendencies have all been necessary, too. Everything serves a purpose. Self-compassion often begins with the simple, often overlooked, first step of seeing your past suffering and obscene coping mechanisms as necessary to your survival and well-being.
The binge eating, alcohol, gambling, pornography, and OCD-like tendencies — while not conducive to a well-lived life – are inherently human ways of taking the pain away. They provided a sense of relief when all seemed lost. Seeing the benefit in your coping mechanisms provides an immediate sense of relief, like a weight being lifted off your shoulder, and opens up a profound sense of awareness.
This awareness gives you permission to not hop from one self-improvement project to another. It allows you to embrace your awkwardness. It gives you a sense of who you are and who you are being. It opens up your flaws and exposes them to the world like a tulip blossoming in the spring sunshine.
When you have self-compassion you have understanding. When you are kind to yourself you have awareness. Through this organic viewpoint, you can begin to let go of the unrealistic expectations you have of yourself and simply love your human flesh with all its flaws. Darkness becomes light and light becomes dark and the two become one. This unity of darkness and light is called the present moment. It’s all we ever have.
The only way out is through; through the body. Trauma is stored in the body. Fear is physical: in order to get past the emotional baggage that is being carried, the counterintuitive way is to start with your tender animal flesh.
Think of self-compassion as the spiritual facet of healing your trauma that is often activated through mindful awareness. But don’t forget your mind and body. Your mind needs the nutrients from an ancestrally aligned meat-based diet of meat, eggs, fish, cheese and some fruit to heal too. Your physical body needs to be honoured through movement; walking, yoga, CrossFit, and breathwork.
It’s beautiful how Gabor Mate and Daniel Mate put it in the Myth of Normal: healing is not guaranteed, but it is available. So when you integrate all three healing modalities into your everyday life you make healing more available. When you eat MEAT for your Mind, MOVE for your Body and be MINDFUL for your Soul, you set in motion a contingant of currents that all flow towards your true essence.