10 Years of Intention: my health, biohacking, spiritual and fitness journey
A brief synopsis of the past ten years:
In 2014, I decided to run, eat less carbs and completely change my physical well being. I lost over 30kgs. I was 19 at the time and was in my final year of school.
In 2015, I moved to America to pursue my passion: golf. I got a scholarship to a small university in Iowa. I quickly realised Americas food system was broken (and so was I). I got depressed and moved back to Joburg to stay with my mom. I watched a documentary, That Sugar Film. It completely changed my life. I became obsessed with hidden sugars in perceivably “healthy” foods and the importance of a high fat diet.
In 2016, I was still living with my mom. I started a job as a telesalesman selling internet solutions to companies and small businesses around South Africa…this quickly taught me two things: how to follow and that I never ever wanted to be in an office ever again. It was around this time I discovered Dave Asprey and Bulletproof Coffee. My obsession with self-improvement only increased. My source of inspiration and joy shifted from spending time with friends getting blackout drunk on the weekends to wanting to only eat organic and pasture raised food.
In 2017, I moved to Pretoria to pursue a Business Degree at the University of Pretoria. I also discovered CrossFit. This quickly became an obsession (I was even asked to coach at my local CrossFit gym even though I had only been there a few months). I attended the Bulletproof Biohacking conference in California. I discovered the power of Bitcoin (ala Tim Ferris, Naval and Nick Szabo in this podcast episode). I also decided I wanted to be health coach and went to New York to get a certification (It was around this time that I realised a lot of the people “biohacking” were narcissists and self-obsessed).
In 2018, I decided that a Business Degree was not for me. I said ‘fuck it’ and moved to Cape Town to pursue a degree in Copywriting and Brand Communications. I also started the Carnivore Diet. Joined a local CrossFit gym (this served as my solace living alone in Cape Town). I felt fucking fantastic. I deadlifted over 365lbs at 65kg body weight. Did my first muscle up. It was around this time that I also discovered Michael Pollan’s book How to Change Your Mind. Not long after reading Pollan’s eye-opening masterpiece, I took MDMA for the first time at a Drum and Bass jol. I felt true love on the most profoundly unattached level. I also discovered psytrance and went to every festival in Cape Town there was. I realised there was more to life than my ego and content. I had my first “bad” LSD trip and got a feeling of what Hell on Earth must feel like. Lol (I also didn’t really take my diet too seriously at this stage. I started drinking regularly again and dabbled in cocaine on the weekends…otherwise summarized as spiritual bypassing).
In 2019, my gran passed. This deeply affected me. I also fell in love. I did not know how to communicate this love. The love was not reciprocated. Turns out she was gay. I got hurt. I went to AfrikaBurn, had another “bad” trip, realised I’m merely Dust Enlivened, and that contrary to my minds popular belief, I AM NOT MY FATHER :D I eventually got really sick, falling into an intense spell of loneliness and depression. I was having regular panic attacks and often thought my heart was about to implode. I got a CT scan that came back showing I had 0 calcium in my arteries even though my cholesterol was the highest doctors have ever seen (It was so high my medical aid paid free of charge to put me in a special study being done on high cholesterol patients…turns out saturated fat and high cholesterol does not cause artery plaque build up). I picked up a book called When the Body Says No by Gabor Mate and I realised my body was trying to say no when I couldn’t muster the courage to say it myself. It was around this time I confronted my dad about his lack of fathership in my life. He did not have the answers and left me dry…i cried uncontrollably and my cousin Kelly hugged me.
In 2020, I graduated, moved back to Johannesburg during that time when we had to wear polyester over our faces — even when outdoors (lol!) — with my mom. Against my own intuition, searching for answers to my health challenges, I consulted with a nutritionist who told me to eat 10 cups of broccoli a day. This made me feel worse. I finally told my dad what a shit father he’d been, I went all in on the carnivore diet to heal my physical animal body, got really obsessed with Bitcoin and my podcast, did a San Pedro ceremony where I felt ancestral love on the most profound level possible (which then gave me the clarity I needed to forgive my father. It was beautiful).
In 2021, I moved to Amsterdam to start a new life. I sold everything and went all in. I stayed with a strange old gay man who wanted to give me a sports massage (???), quickly moved out and then got an incredible job through an amazing lady I met in New York back in the biohacking days. We did brand consulting for some of the biggest names in the branding world. I quickly learnt how important a brand message needs to be INTERNALLY to be translated into the EXTERNAL (It would be a few years later that this same concept applies to us: our internal story is the most important story there is…If you don’t refine it and make it your own society will).
In 2022 my contract ended with the amazing lady. This temporarily defeated me. I cried. I was still fully carnivore and obsessed with the idea that we need integration for true health and happiness. I realised that diet will only get you so far — you need movement and you need mindfulness. I did a Psilocybin Mushroom Ceremony in the middle of the Netherlands at a place called the Temple of Nature. Two insights came from this experience: 1) I saw how interconnected we are to our (actual) primary food source — cows (not the stuff Bill Gate’s is trying to shove down our throats) and 2) I saw people that were seeking spiritual answers when it was clear that what was needed was a physical and nutritional intervention of quality animal-based protein as a first protocol — not more plant medicine that was clearly serving as a spiritual bypass. My obsession with integrating ancestral eating, sacred movement and mindful practice increased exponentially. My side-hustle doing videography & photography eventually got wind. I got invited to film a CrossFit event in Madrid and London, and I quickly realised I could make this my full time career. RawBokeh was born. I got invited by mom to travel the Mediterranean on the world’s biggest cruise ship (at the time) and I attended something that I had been waiting to go to ever since I got obsessed with psytrance back in 2018: Boom Festival (nothing on earth will bring you more joy than seeing your favourite artists back-to-back in the middle of the Portuguese countryside…yeehaw!🤠)
In 2023 I decided to move back to Cape Town, coach CrossFit to make ends meet while I pursue becoming a full-time videographer and photographer. I also decided I needed a guide if I was to overcome my challenges with intimacy in my life. This guide helped me clarify my purpose in life. He’s awesome. Not long after seeking help, I serendipitously fell in love. Not the kind of love experienced in my past — actual, heartfelt, raw, intimate, real, scary, vulnerable love. I also experienced an insane amount of physical pain in my wrist which was later diagnosed as a rare condition called Kienböck's Disease. This abruptly ended my CrossFit career in coaching. I got an intense surgery that involved a bone graft on my lunate bone. I had never felt more physical pain in my life. My body, it seems, was still saying no — again — when I didn’t have the words too.
In 2024 my partner and myself uncoupled and my mom got diagnosed with cancer. I spent nearly 10 months healing and rehabbing my wrist, I continued to grow my business (even with one hand) and attended an Ayahuasca ceremony with the native Huni Kuin tribe of Brazil (which showed me that my joy was just my sorrow unmasked, which led me to the truth that is how I feel as I write this entire post on a plane flying to Durban to be with my mother for her last radiation cancer treatment: that we do not need outside validation— our worthiness is inherent no matter what happened to you in your past, as a kid, or beyond; We are MAGNETIC BEINGS THAT ARE DRIVEN BY LIGHT, your thought is energy and that energy can alter your life…this book also played a big part in my healing and realization of this truth).
In 2025 I turn 30. My first Saturn Return is coming to an end. I feel closer to my true self than ever before. Even though it feels like I’ve experienced failure after failure, I’ve surrendered to the fact that life is never failure — it’s only learning. Life is always happening for you not too you.
I’ve booked another ceremony with the Huni Kuin tribe, I’m building strong male friendships (something I’ve needed and craved in my life), and I’m going to go all in on my content and podcast as well as serving my existing clients that I create for.
What has your past 10 years looked like? I would love to hear. If this resonates and you are called, join my tribe of people walking with light and abundance; I’m thinking of a way to integrate a community on the MMM platform that isn’t too expensive or will get flagged for anything weird online. If you have any recommendations please reach out. I’m thinking X (twitter)…?
Wishing you a prosperous 2025.
Haux, Haux. <3