Tara Brach on Rilke's Insight Into the Nature of Comparison and Acceptance
“Finally one day came a shifting-into-place, an awakening: not “right” compared to what? Oh, my word, I’d been trying to make canned Pillsbury biscuits! Then came an exquisite moment of actually tasting my biscuits without comparing them to some (previously hidden) standard. They were wheaty, flaky, buttery, “sunny, earthy, real” (as Rilke’s sonnet proclaims). They were incomparably alive, present, vibrant—in fact much more satisfying than any memory. These occasions can be so stunning, so liberating, these moments when you realize your life is just fine as it is, thank you. Only the insidious comparison to a beautifully prepared, beautifully packaged product made it seem insufficient. Trying to produce a biscuit—a life—with no dirty bowls, no messy feelings, no depression, no anger was so frustrating. Then savoring, actually tasting the present moment of experience—how much more complex and multifaceted. How unfathomable . ”
I love this quote from Tara Brach in Radical Acceptance.
I don’t want to beat the meaning out of this quote more than I should, because quite frankly, it is a superb account into the nature of consciousness and how we tend to compare our lives to the perfectly curated packaged pieces of smiles on social media in the form of influencers (or even friends).
A veil of peace that gets lowered on your soul when you embrace acceptance and relinquish understanding. It sounds counterintuitive to our rational brains that have been taught, since the time we were born, that every ‘problem’ is a problem to be solved. It’s not. Some problems are meant to be seen with grace and gratitude.
This metaphor from Tara Brach and Rilke is born from an ordinary experience rather than a peak one (Maslow). At my stage in life right now, I’m more concerned with what Maslow describes as Plateau Experiences — ordinary moments that give you ecstasy and joy.
When you are driven by comparison, it’s unlikely that you will encounter many plateau experiences. When you are driven by love, however, you are compelled break the barriers of comparison.
Two Tools to Overcome the Anxiety Mindset of Comparison
What I am writing about here is how comparison, in the Buddha sense of the word, is a thief of joy. Here are some ways to secure your joy for even a moment longer than it normally lasts (and that can make all the difference):
Meditate🧘
Meditation can give you the relief of distraction — that is all comparison is, distraction. Be your own biscuit. You’re good as is. Know your path, embrace Euthymia.
Journal✏️
Write down all your fears — no fear is too small or too big, In fact, I’ve found that my ‘small’ fears are a product of larger fears. E.g: recently, I messaged somebody and never got a reply within a couple of days. This greatly agitated me. I felt my spiritual work tested. I felt defeated. I felt like I had let this person into my mind unannounced.
Both mediation and journaling are radical forms of present-state awareness. Life will no doubt bless you with a variety of experiences — dirty bowls and all; but your ability to deal with them won’t be determined by comparison, it will be down to how present you are.