Psilocybin Magic Mushroom Retreat at Earth Awareness, Netherlands (Triggers, Raw Broccoli Salads & Remembering Who I Am)
“We may not be responsible for the world that created our minds, but we can take responsibility for the mind with which we create our world.”
I looked at what she was eating and I nearly vomited on the spot.
Roughly 60km outside of Appledoorn – a largish town (for the Netherlands) – I looked horridly at this girl sitting next to me as she hesitantly devoured a raw broccoli salad that smelled like mouldy shoes with a pair of 6 month-old socks stuffed in each of them.
The juxtaposition – the thing that made me nervous the most – was right in front of my eyes: a big ol' vegan-friendly meal that has been promised to the masses to save your health, the environment and the planet. I was slightly triggered, but also, I just felt sad for this woman. I felt sad because one of my driving forces behind this blog is dispelling the myth that in order to be healthy you need to live off of smelly broccoli salads and raw kale smoothies.
And I’m well aware I have no clue how far this woman has come on her journey: she could have been 80lbs down and living her best life (although it didn’t smell that way).
But my pre-ceremonial trigger to that disgusting smelling broccoli salad was just a symptom of nerves, really.
I was nervous for two reasons:
Because for the first time in a year I would be venturing into the depths of my mind by taking a high dose of psychedelics – in this case, psilocybin magic mushroom truffles – to uncover some hidden truths (or maybe just become 10% happier). My nerves, too, were equally on edge for another reason.
Due to numerous gut-related issues, I follow a meat-based diet: which is an ultra-low-carb diet that focuses on animal-based nutrition to heal gut dysbiosis by removing most plant-based foods (which often contain toxins like phytates and oxalates). You can read more on the health dangers of a plant-based diet. And if you have ever been to a Cape Town trance party, you'll realise there is a prevailing narrative around the perceived importance of following a plant-based diet for healing anything and everything: from the planet to your body and even your pet dog (which is considered illegal in many areas as they become malnourished and it is a form of abuse...go figure). The standard recommendation when partaking in psychedelics is to limit animal fat and stick to a plant-based diet. It seems, at least in my limited worldview, that psychedelics and plant-based diets go hand-in-hand in most people's minds and I'm here to dispel that myth.
You can do yoga and eat meat.
You can be spiritual and eat meat
You can use plant-medicine and eat meat
You can love and care for animal well-being and still eat meat
2021: The Year of Growth
2021 has been a year of tremendous growth for me. A lot has changed: I moved from South Africa to Amsterdam during the height of the plague, I got an equal parts amazing and demanding job, and I've reached a level of physical strength in CrossFit that I'm proud of.
The best way to describe my move to Amsterdam was me feeling like a meteorite that crash-landed on the Moon and finally. after slowing down, waiting for the dust to settle (still!), I can see where I'm heading (and mostly, who is coming with me!).
As the dust settled towards the end of August in 2021, I felt like I had not fully stepped into this new position & threshold of my life – I felt like I had not left South Africa behind (and trust me, if you ask any South African that leaves home: it is a very hard place to let go of). So therefore I was seeking some help from Nature.
I was seeking some answers that were already in my DNA and maybe just needed a nudge to get me to the most Tara Brach definition of Radical Acceptance. Acceptance of this new threshold I would be stepping into.
Ceremonies vs Parties: The Importance of Respecting Psychedelics as Sacred Plant-Medicine
The psychedelic experience can be likened to that of jumping out of an aeroplane: you can double, even triple check all your gear – but nothing can quite prepare you for the jump itself. I was in many ways over-prepared for my jump into starting a new life abroad in Amsterdam; and yet there were – and still are! – times when I felt hopelessly lost, homesick and lonely.
Hence me seeking some solace in the beautiful nature-driven retreat centre known as Earth Awareness. I was craving the feeling of being in nature, where my toes could feel the Earth's vibration (something I loved doing at those Cape Town trance parties, but obviously the plague has prevented much of that).
And nature, too, is the producer of the now widely accepted form of mind-healing psychedelic substances known as psilocybin mushrooms (or magic truffles in my case).
Prior to my experience (or better known as a ‘trip’) at Earth Awareness, I had only experienced one guided psychedelic ceremony before. I took a hefty dose of the sacred San Pedro cactus (otherwise known as Masculine).
Usually, my past experiences with mind-altering psychedelic substances involved taking mushrooms at psytrance parties in Cape Town, South Africa; not the most ceremonial affair to say the least if you’ve ever been to one. Magic mushrooms are usually sold in their dried form in bags weighing around 1g.
In the Netherlands (like in most countries) traditional dried or wet magic mushrooms are illegal. However, magic truffles are legal.
WTF Are Magic Truffles?
In essence, they are the 'root' of a magic mushroom that ‘exploded’ underground to give the shape clumped together balls of mushroom. There is some strange Dutch Law that permits it legal to consume unprocessed truffles (the act of drying a mushroom is considered processing it). In the past I’ve only ever eaten dried magic mushrooms — the cliche-looking ones with the long stalks and all: stalk and a walk anyone?
But, ultimately, the psilocybin content differentiation between a dried magic mushroom and magic psilocybin truffle is not much more or less – just the taste, which I get into. With natural forms of psychedelics, it’s extremely difficult to get the correct quantifiable measure of what you are taking. Unlike synthesised psilocybin or LSD, the natural formulation of magic psilocybin mushrooms can vary in compound amounts drastically from one species to another.
The Nature Temple (or How I Felt Like A Hobbit for a Night!)
Prior to arriving, I Googled "Magic Mushroom Retreat in the Netherlands" and a bunch of different search results came up. Earth Awareness, however, immediately struck me with its majestic Nature Temple beckoning the screen with those Lord of the Rings, Hobbitesque looks (during the peak of my trip I felt like a Hobbit, literally – and probably looked like one too, given my size/stature).
I read some reviews and it seemed a good fit. Who could have known that you could just Google your way to a guided magic mushroom journey in the middle of the Netherlands? Modern world, I appreciate you.
Our Guides, The People, Triggers and Shadow Work
Mark and Mya were our guides. They are phenomenal people: the Guardians of the Threshold. A psychedelic experience is a journey into the grand unknown, and like any grand journey, you need an experienced guide to navigate you, look after you if something goes wrong and mostly: you absolutely need someone you trust.
Everyone who attended was great. But one thing you learn is that when you take magic mushrooms with a group of people, you are bound to be triggered a few times. I certainly did. Triggers are excellent learning opportunities.
This trigger that you experience (watch Dr Gabor Mate speak about triggers) has absolutely nothing to do with the individual themselves (unless someone is physically harming you, then it's ok to ask for help or punch them in the balls) – it is all a reflection of your internal conflict or shadow.
There are great teachings to be found in triggers. Your triggers are often a doorway into where you need the most work as a human. One of the most widely accepted benefits of psychedelics is the feeling of connectedness with the people you have in your life: down to the small bumblebee that buzzes past you in your garden on the way to work in the morning to being completely present with your daughter at breakfast before you drop her at school.
A heightened sense of the pure mystery of nature grants you a level of gratitude that is hard to come by through pure meditation or journaling. However, if anything, the use of psychedelics highly accentuates the meditative/journaling process — which is why it’s useful to integrate them pre/post-ceremony.
The Trip (& Taste of Magic Mushrooms)
The taste...well, it's fucked.
The magic truffles tasted like a mixture of dirt and sour worms. Yup, the magic truffles had this strange sour taste to them (and I've already decided that if I ever go back to Earth Awareness I will consume mine with some berries or a banana or some fruit because my stomach took a beating).
I struggled for the first few hours to keep myself from vomiting (probably karma for being disturbed by that woman broccoli salad). Once I gained some stamina and had some food, I got into it.
The trip was intense, as to be expected. It's almost impossible to describe a psychedelic experience to someone who hasn't had one: it is just one of those indescribable moments in time, that is so bespoke and unique to the individual herself, which makes it impossible to fully articulate.
And to be honest, it's even hard to recollect all that happens to you during the trip, too. You enter deep into your subconscious and explore things that seem so out of reach in everyday waking conscious. Often old childhood memories can surface, past traumas or anything major in your life that may have been forgotten.
Even if I could recall my psychedelic experience fully, I probably wouldn't disclose every detail here. James Fadiman, a highly esteemed researcher in the psychedelic sphere, mentioned in Tim Ferriss' monster book – Tools of Titans – that one should 'hold the gold' when it comes to the experiences you have. One should only share their insights with close friends or family members that are receptive to receiving the signal of your profound experience. Otherwise, a judgemental family member that discounts your profound insights with a sceptical comment can actually diminish the healing powers of that insight.
And for this reason, it is so important to have support in place post-ceremony. If you have trusted psychedelic ally's that can hold the space for you – close friends or family that understand the reason for your journey – after your trip, it helps with integrating your experience into your life.
A very apt and timely example of what I do remember seeing was with a cow. I saw, vividly, the entire cycle of life and death from a cows perspective. I saw this amazing animal that provides so much sustenance and energy to the world in all its glory: going from eating the grass of the grasslands of Amsterdam to me eating the nutrient-dense meat to me eventually dying and being turned to dust and absorbed into the Earth and eventually the next cow eating the grass that grew from the soil of my flesh and bones. And I saw this cycle continue, over and over again.
Integration Is Everything
Most people wonder how long the effects last after the ceremony. These substances are powerful. The effects can have an afterglow of about 6 weeks (the feeling of readjusting to society once you've had a profound life-altering psychedelic experience).
If you are seeking the — any, for that matter — medicine to magically change you without you having to, occasionally, dig your heals in – integrate! Integrate! Integrate! – and confront your shadow, demons and darkness, then you are merely seeking a drug experience.
A couple of the people I spent my time at Earth Awareness were already proclaiming their excitement for the next ‘trip.’ Many were seeking a return for 'another magic mushroom experience.' I found this rather counter to what Mark mentioned (and what I firmly believe): that you have to do the pre/post ceremony work in order to get the full range of benefits.
You cannot run from your darkness — you can only place your heart firmly into the dragon’s mouth and ask for help/guidance: what can I learn from you? What are you trying to show me?
Remember Who You Are
I left Earth Awareness feeling rejuvenated. The timing and everything felt right, the stars aligned (In fact, I booked so last minute that I got the last spot).
When you make an intention to explore the realms of the mind via psychedelics you can often feel the effects before you've even taken the medicine. I certainly did. Before we even consumed the magic truffles, we sang some songs. One song particularly hit me with its meaning. The main vocal that still rings true in my ears today: remember who you are. I cried while singing this.
These substances are not panaceas – they are an important component in healing, but they are not God. God is within you. To unleash God you need to integrate good eating, good movement and good mindfulness.
My experience at Earth Awareness was fundamental in me accepting a new role/responsibility in my life in a new country thousands of miles away from home. I have no clue where this journey will take me, but all I can do is Trust, Let Go & Be Open to all the possibilities that creep up.
Stanislov Grof so eloquently put it in the Holotropic Mind: "He suddenly understood the message of so many spiritual teachers that the only revolution that can work is the inner transformation of every human being." My experience in Teuge at Earth Awareness only reinforced my mission on this Earth: to bridge the gap between the esoteric worlds of nutrition (the body), movement (the mind) and mindfulness (the spirit) by creating a union of these three inherently important aspects of living to end the suffering of the individual.
If you are considering exploring your subconscious through these powerful substances and need to talk, I'm happy to help best I can. Please email me. Obviously, it goes without saying I'm no expert. But I am more than happy to hear you out and facilitate any thoughts/doubts you may have before entering the great abyss.
Did you enjoy this? Each week I send out a short email to a couple of hundred people with a quote or two I’m contemplating, thoughts on books I’ve read, the latest content on my YouTube channel and anything else that I think you’d enjoy. The goal is to ‘prime’ your subconscious for the week ahead.